The standard of lavatorial humour was of a very high or extremely low standard depending on your point of view. We needed all of our reserves of humour as we reached 15,320' ( for the mathmatically minded thats Nelson's Column x 102 but without the pigeons) -where the peak reached skyward in front of us. At the hut we were regaled with cheery tales of headaches which most of us had already got, nose bleeds & vomiting. Arriving at Kibo hut at 3pm we had a further 10 hours to wait before the ascent.
Careful preparation was made as we organised the many layers of clothing that would be required for the climb. One by one we gave the others a laugh by modelling our thermal underwear, gloves, socks, & balaclavas; luxuries which for the most part the guides did not have. The instructions therefore were to go slowly but not so slowly that the guides froze!
The mountain ahead may have scared us, but the toilets reduced iron men to tears, climbers swallowing copious quantities of anti-diarrhoea medication in order to cause constipation as rapidly as possible! The stench was unbelievable.
Simon & Gareth Jones packed six oranges in preparation to set a record as the highest juggling twins. Jon Jones, no relation, purchased the last two beers in case he was thirsty at the top. Donna meanwhile hoped and prayed that extremely high altitude would finally be a cure for flatulence. Jim, the Manchester Police Inspector was the most confident but then he had done it before. Before?? Why would anyone do it twice - what sort of people did Her Majesty's Constabulary recruit?
Nothing could have prepared us for the misery that lay ahead. A period of acclimatization would have helped reduce the effects of altitude, the head aches, the nausea, the vomiting but nothing could prepare you for the hours of pain zig-zagging up the scree angled 60 degrees into the darkness. Even one of the guides was sick.
They claim that the 01.00 hrs start is because the scree is frozen - nonsense, the climb takes place in the dark because no one would tackle it it in daylight. We all made it to the top & it was one of the most wretched experiences of my life. As Cheryl Cole described it recently "horrible, horrible, horrible" - you get the picture. Now, the view was nice - but heh if you want to see the sun rise above the clouds - look out of an aeroplane. Even the descent was dreadful, seven hours of pain had numbed the muscles to such an extent that it was difficult to enjoy the scree-sliding, especially knowing that a ten mile walk back to Horumbo awaited us at the bottom of the peak. Those ten miles seemed endless even though mostly downhill, the sun beat down and there seemed many more boulders underfoot than before.
We stumbled into Horumbo huts absolutely exhausted, the congratulations of those that we passed did little to ease the pain. Exhaustion and altitude had completely taken away our appetites, we stared dead eyed across the table wondering why we didnt feel more elated. One beer and off to bed at 6.30pm for more synchronised snoring and farting.
Day five was dawning as we pulled our stiffened limbs out of our sleeping bags. The stunning views and fine breakfast (by this time we had come to regard weevils as nutricous) did little to diminish the horror of the 20 mile walk back to the gates of the National Park. The sun seemed hotter, the boulders underfoot more painful but at least it was all downhill to where cold beers & hot baths were waiting. Would there be enough Ajax left?
Close to tears the cold beers were wonderful as Jon & I came to the conclusion that there must be easier ways to raise money for charity.
Feel free to admire the guts and determination of those who reach the top of Kilimanjaro, but remember that anyone who does it of their own free will is probably insane. Jim did it twice.
In summary you trek for 3 days in ever thinner air in order to be in position to get up at 1.00am to spend 8,9 or 10 hours of misery. When completed you walk back 30 miles - insane seems an understatement! However, there are people who run up & down in a day - luckily I don't know anyone like that. Imagine!
Having finished my notes (yes this is nearly at an end) I joined the others as Winifred, our main guide, made piles of clothing for his guides & porters. Pleased as they were with our Lifestyle, BA & Coke T shirts and warm socks , it was the Coca Cola baseball caps that were most in demand. What they really needed was sweaters and decent footwear, once again we wished we had known in advance.
Exhausted, but clean after luxuriating in what now seemed to be the unashamed luxury of the Kibo Hotel we were all very emotional as our porters sang the Kilimanjaro song. We sang them most of American Pie as our method of dealing with the boredom of the long final climb had been to try & remember all the verses. We drank our beer very cold they drank theirs very warm, we passed around our Sportsman cigarettes as the sun went down.
If like me you find yourself committed to a foolish mission try and find companions as good as Peter Blakemore, Donna Brackenbridge (now Jones), Simon & Gareth Jones, Jim Landsborough, Alan Ditchfield and yes even JJ - Jon Jones.
The pain was on Kilimanjaro - the joy was on September 24th 1992 when over 70 terminally ill kids took off for Florida. Between us we raised over £70,000 but thats long spent but Destination Florida are still hard at work.
http://www.destinationflorida.org.uk/
Shiv - if you got this far .................. good luck xx
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Kilimanjaro - part two -Local Colour & Calabash
After lunch a couple of us struck out for the local village to check out the night spots for later. "Jambo" " Jambo" "Jambo" everyone that we passed called out this cheerful greeting as we began to appreciate the poverty that surrounded us. The contrast between our designer trainers and their assorted shoddy footwear, mostly flip flops with paper thin soles was no more marked than the contrast between the smartly dressed children at the village school and the vast majority of cherubic children too poor to attend.(Australians please note flip flops is the quaint pommie expression f0r thongs)
Sitting in a local's hut with its dirt floor and the walls papered in pages of Time magazine from 1979 our own preoccupation with bigger and better houses seemed very shallow. Still with the amount he charged us for the Calabash of banana beer he will soon be in a position to improve his condition!! (The calabash tree produces large spherical fruits, up to 50 cm (20 inches) in diameter, the hard shells of which are useful as bowls, cups, and other water containers when hollowed out.)
Later that night, in fact for most of that night the banana beer reaped its revenge again and again and again - no wonder the locals all looked so thin.
BA or British Airways as it was probably called then is amongst the finest training organisations in the world and it showed in the preparation taken by Donna, Alan & Gareth. My problem of the night before was solved instantly with a tablet followed by a vitamin replacement programme. Later in the day JJ was also to benefit as his bleeding leg was delicately treated with antiseptic wipes, he had been trying to catch a monkey. Don't ask or tell David Attenborough!
Apart from Jon's wildlife adventure, day one was a pleasant start to our trip as we climbed up to 9000 feet. (nb for 'climb' think gentle stroll upwards) The children that we passed wanted pens, sweets, chocolate, pennies but if none of these were available a watch or camera would do. If ever you go to Tanzania take a couple of gross of biros - we wished we had. The kids had to settle for Lucozade Sport Glucose tablets, no doubt causing their parents some concern unable to explain their suddenly hype-active offspring!
By 9000 feet the price of beers and Coca Cola had trebled and we could hardly wait to see how much they would be at 15000.
Occasionally, we would pass actors from horror movies like "The Undead" , " Tales from the Crypt" and "Days of the Living Dead". Tanzania's film industry had clearly been hiding its light under a bushel for far to long. Later we were to learn first hand that these were not actors but climbers who had made it to the top. "I no longer feel like a human being, I have no body" explained a Swedish woman. At this stage the beach in Mombasa sounded like a much more attractive alternative.
Whilst having dinner Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin crawled past on his knees - the sight of his wrecked body had JJ and I sprinting back down the hill, Mombasa bound. The BA crew leapt into action, captured we were huddled into our cell measuring 8' x 8' with guards stationed on the two spare bunks.
Day Two had been a pleasant prospect after a couple of beers but this feeling of well being had completely dissipated by breakfast, when we started to climb up through thick rain forest, fifty foot trees covered in moss. It was a long, long day. Six and a half hours may not seem that long, but trekking from 9000' to 12000' under a blazing sun that made short work of Factor 25 and even Alan's baby sun block makes it a very long day. The lack of sleep did not help but the continual sucking of our Glucoze tablets kept us going as we tried not to think what they were doing to our teeth.
Apart from the rain forest and ridges and ravines covered with heather and rocks and a brief terrifying glimpse of the peak the scenery was rather uninspiring and wildlife consisted of a few lizards and brightly coloured birds - not a Giraffe to be seen. Certainly no herds of Wildebeast.
Horumbo huts were a welcome sight and we almost broke into a run only to find accomodation that made the previous nights seem quite sumptuous. Eight of us crammed into the hut, simultaneously removing our boots, the local striped back mice made a hasty exit! It may have been the altitude, it might have been the diet including the delightful millet porridge - whatever - its affects were such that the mice did not return and Donna vowed never to share a confined space with seven men.
How many get to the top, can Donna stand the smell - this and more will be revealed in part three...............................
Sitting in a local's hut with its dirt floor and the walls papered in pages of Time magazine from 1979 our own preoccupation with bigger and better houses seemed very shallow. Still with the amount he charged us for the Calabash of banana beer he will soon be in a position to improve his condition!! (The calabash tree produces large spherical fruits, up to 50 cm (20 inches) in diameter, the hard shells of which are useful as bowls, cups, and other water containers when hollowed out.)
Later that night, in fact for most of that night the banana beer reaped its revenge again and again and again - no wonder the locals all looked so thin.
BA or British Airways as it was probably called then is amongst the finest training organisations in the world and it showed in the preparation taken by Donna, Alan & Gareth. My problem of the night before was solved instantly with a tablet followed by a vitamin replacement programme. Later in the day JJ was also to benefit as his bleeding leg was delicately treated with antiseptic wipes, he had been trying to catch a monkey. Don't ask or tell David Attenborough!
Apart from Jon's wildlife adventure, day one was a pleasant start to our trip as we climbed up to 9000 feet. (nb for 'climb' think gentle stroll upwards) The children that we passed wanted pens, sweets, chocolate, pennies but if none of these were available a watch or camera would do. If ever you go to Tanzania take a couple of gross of biros - we wished we had. The kids had to settle for Lucozade Sport Glucose tablets, no doubt causing their parents some concern unable to explain their suddenly hype-active offspring!
By 9000 feet the price of beers and Coca Cola had trebled and we could hardly wait to see how much they would be at 15000.
Occasionally, we would pass actors from horror movies like "The Undead" , " Tales from the Crypt" and "Days of the Living Dead". Tanzania's film industry had clearly been hiding its light under a bushel for far to long. Later we were to learn first hand that these were not actors but climbers who had made it to the top. "I no longer feel like a human being, I have no body" explained a Swedish woman. At this stage the beach in Mombasa sounded like a much more attractive alternative.
Whilst having dinner Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin crawled past on his knees - the sight of his wrecked body had JJ and I sprinting back down the hill, Mombasa bound. The BA crew leapt into action, captured we were huddled into our cell measuring 8' x 8' with guards stationed on the two spare bunks.
Day Two had been a pleasant prospect after a couple of beers but this feeling of well being had completely dissipated by breakfast, when we started to climb up through thick rain forest, fifty foot trees covered in moss. It was a long, long day. Six and a half hours may not seem that long, but trekking from 9000' to 12000' under a blazing sun that made short work of Factor 25 and even Alan's baby sun block makes it a very long day. The lack of sleep did not help but the continual sucking of our Glucoze tablets kept us going as we tried not to think what they were doing to our teeth.
Apart from the rain forest and ridges and ravines covered with heather and rocks and a brief terrifying glimpse of the peak the scenery was rather uninspiring and wildlife consisted of a few lizards and brightly coloured birds - not a Giraffe to be seen. Certainly no herds of Wildebeast.
Horumbo huts were a welcome sight and we almost broke into a run only to find accomodation that made the previous nights seem quite sumptuous. Eight of us crammed into the hut, simultaneously removing our boots, the local striped back mice made a hasty exit! It may have been the altitude, it might have been the diet including the delightful millet porridge - whatever - its affects were such that the mice did not return and Donna vowed never to share a confined space with seven men.
How many get to the top, can Donna stand the smell - this and more will be revealed in part three...............................
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