The standard of lavatorial humour was of a very high or extremely low standard depending on your point of view. We needed all of our reserves of humour as we reached 15,320' ( for the mathmatically minded thats Nelson's Column x 102 but without the pigeons) -where the peak reached skyward in front of us. At the hut we were regaled with cheery tales of headaches which most of us had already got, nose bleeds & vomiting. Arriving at Kibo hut at 3pm we had a further 10 hours to wait before the ascent.
Careful preparation was made as we organised the many layers of clothing that would be required for the climb. One by one we gave the others a laugh by modelling our thermal underwear, gloves, socks, & balaclavas; luxuries which for the most part the guides did not have. The instructions therefore were to go slowly but not so slowly that the guides froze!
The mountain ahead may have scared us, but the toilets reduced iron men to tears, climbers swallowing copious quantities of anti-diarrhoea medication in order to cause constipation as rapidly as possible! The stench was unbelievable.
Simon & Gareth Jones packed six oranges in preparation to set a record as the highest juggling twins. Jon Jones, no relation, purchased the last two beers in case he was thirsty at the top. Donna meanwhile hoped and prayed that extremely high altitude would finally be a cure for flatulence. Jim, the Manchester Police Inspector was the most confident but then he had done it before. Before?? Why would anyone do it twice - what sort of people did Her Majesty's Constabulary recruit?
Nothing could have prepared us for the misery that lay ahead. A period of acclimatization would have helped reduce the effects of altitude, the head aches, the nausea, the vomiting but nothing could prepare you for the hours of pain zig-zagging up the scree angled 60 degrees into the darkness. Even one of the guides was sick.
They claim that the 01.00 hrs start is because the scree is frozen - nonsense, the climb takes place in the dark because no one would tackle it it in daylight. We all made it to the top & it was one of the most wretched experiences of my life. As Cheryl Cole described it recently "horrible, horrible, horrible" - you get the picture. Now, the view was nice - but heh if you want to see the sun rise above the clouds - look out of an aeroplane. Even the descent was dreadful, seven hours of pain had numbed the muscles to such an extent that it was difficult to enjoy the scree-sliding, especially knowing that a ten mile walk back to Horumbo awaited us at the bottom of the peak. Those ten miles seemed endless even though mostly downhill, the sun beat down and there seemed many more boulders underfoot than before.
We stumbled into Horumbo huts absolutely exhausted, the congratulations of those that we passed did little to ease the pain. Exhaustion and altitude had completely taken away our appetites, we stared dead eyed across the table wondering why we didnt feel more elated. One beer and off to bed at 6.30pm for more synchronised snoring and farting.
Day five was dawning as we pulled our stiffened limbs out of our sleeping bags. The stunning views and fine breakfast (by this time we had come to regard weevils as nutricous) did little to diminish the horror of the 20 mile walk back to the gates of the National Park. The sun seemed hotter, the boulders underfoot more painful but at least it was all downhill to where cold beers & hot baths were waiting. Would there be enough Ajax left?
Close to tears the cold beers were wonderful as Jon & I came to the conclusion that there must be easier ways to raise money for charity.
Feel free to admire the guts and determination of those who reach the top of Kilimanjaro, but remember that anyone who does it of their own free will is probably insane. Jim did it twice.
In summary you trek for 3 days in ever thinner air in order to be in position to get up at 1.00am to spend 8,9 or 10 hours of misery. When completed you walk back 30 miles - insane seems an understatement! However, there are people who run up & down in a day - luckily I don't know anyone like that. Imagine!
Having finished my notes (yes this is nearly at an end) I joined the others as Winifred, our main guide, made piles of clothing for his guides & porters. Pleased as they were with our Lifestyle, BA & Coke T shirts and warm socks , it was the Coca Cola baseball caps that were most in demand. What they really needed was sweaters and decent footwear, once again we wished we had known in advance.
Exhausted, but clean after luxuriating in what now seemed to be the unashamed luxury of the Kibo Hotel we were all very emotional as our porters sang the Kilimanjaro song. We sang them most of American Pie as our method of dealing with the boredom of the long final climb had been to try & remember all the verses. We drank our beer very cold they drank theirs very warm, we passed around our Sportsman cigarettes as the sun went down.
If like me you find yourself committed to a foolish mission try and find companions as good as Peter Blakemore, Donna Brackenbridge (now Jones), Simon & Gareth Jones, Jim Landsborough, Alan Ditchfield and yes even JJ - Jon Jones.
The pain was on Kilimanjaro - the joy was on September 24th 1992 when over 70 terminally ill kids took off for Florida. Between us we raised over £70,000 but thats long spent but Destination Florida are still hard at work.
http://www.destinationflorida.org.uk/
Shiv - if you got this far .................. good luck xx
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